To the beautiful, lucky soul who is not yet aware: Kanye West and Kim Kardashian got married over the weekend.
Details about the ceremony and reception are slowly emerging. One nugget that caught our eye: According to E! (of course), West reportedly gave a 20-minute toast where he, ugh, called the Kardashian family “the most remarkable people of our time… [who] make the world a better place.” “Drunk in Love” is probably the kindest response to that statement.
“I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means,” Kanye West once declared. “I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period…I understand culture. I am the nucleus.” Could this man really manage not to quote himself – via his lyrics – during an emotional speech?
Just think of some of the gems he could use to kick things off:
- “One good girl is worth a thousand b——” – “Bound 2”
- “Tell me what I gotta do to be that guy/Said her price go down, she ever f— a black guy/Or do anal, or do a gangbang/It’s kinda crazy that’s all considered the same thing” –“Hell of a Life”
- “And I know she like chocolate men” –“On Sight”
- “I’m a legend/ I’m irreverent/I be reverend” – Katy Perry’s “E.T.”
- “And I’ll admit, I had fell in love with Kim/Around the same time she had fell in love with him” –“Cold”
- “You’ll never get on top of this/So mommy, best advice is just to get on top of this/Have you ever had sex with a pharaoh?/Put the p—- in a sarcophagus/Now she claiming that I bruised her esophagus/Head of the class and she just want a swallowship/I’m living in the future so the present is my past/My presence is a present, kiss my ass” –“Monster”
- “18 years, 18 years/She got one of your kids, got you for 18 years” –“Golddigger”
Oof. So…how many times did Kanye quote himself in his wedding speech?
Do we think the wedding reception served any damn croissants?
Leah Greenblatt, Kyle Anderson, and Kyle Ryan contributed to this report