Tonight, the National Geographic Channel—or, as the hepcats call it, Nat Geo—will air the first installment of The ’90s: The Last Greatest Decade?, a three-night documentary series event that explores what is undoubtedly the Internet’s favorite ten years.
You might be asking, “Why do I need to see yet another nostalgic docuseries/blog post/revived children’s show or movie about a decade that gave the world The Postman?” Well, friendly naysayer, we’ll tell you: The special features a bunch of famous people saying fun/interesting/silly things about the past. You love fun/interesting/silly things about the past! Don’t you?
Narrated by Rob Lowe, the first two-hour episode of The ’90s features commentary from the likes of James Van Der Beek (Dawson’s Creek), Eric Schmidt (Google), and Colin Powell (uh, the government); topics range from Kurt and Courtney’s tabloid drama to The Fresh Prince of Bel Air’s role in healing race relations in post-riot L.A., as well as political events like the first Iraq War and the rise and fall and rise of President Bill Clinton.
To give you a taste of what to expect, here are some of our favorite quotes and moments from tonight’s episode:
James Carville, political operative: “The only problem with the ’90s is that it didn’t last long enough.”
Roseanne Barr, comedian: “I’m definitely responsible for getting Bill Clinton elected.”
Rob Lowe, handsome: “This is not the first time Bill Clinton’s appetite for power would experience some serious indigestion – and it would not be the last.”
Vanilla Ice, contributor to some of the greatest hip-hop music in the history of the world: “Basically, I contributed to some of the greatest hip-hop music in the history of the world.”
Malcolm Greenidge, member of Tupac’s Outlawz group: “When I was a kid, we hated Vanilla Ice, man. We f—ing thought he was like the whackest… He was whacker than Hammer!”
Callie Khouri, Thelma & Louise screenwriter: “I said to a friend of mine, if this movie makes it to the screen and it’s not called Tits & Bullets, I’m going to consider that a huge victory.”
Roseanne, comedian still: “Lorena Bobbit is the one who ruined it for feminism.”
Sandra Bernhard, comedian: “She [Anna Nicole Smith] was sexy and soft and mushy and a mess and fun and high, and she’s a very fascinating character.”
Neve Campbell, actress: “Beep beeeeoooopp [in an attempt to replicate the sound of a dial-up modem].”
Courtney Love, ugh: “He [Kurt Cobain] got called ‘The Voice of a Generation’ a lot, and that freaked him out. But who knows, he probably got off on it. I would.”
Tucker Carlson, recovering bowtie addict: “The ’90s was kind of a vacation from history.”
Tucker Carlson, man who marinates in pornography: “Looking back on the ’90s gives you a sense at how much our sexual attitudes have changed. I mean, keep in mind—it wasn’t that long ago, but this was before every American man was marinating in pornography.”
Matthew Perry and Jennifer Aniston: Okay, this last one isn’t a quote from them, just a video of the old Microsoft instructional video that the documentary brought back to our attention:
The ’90s: The Greatest Decade Ever? airs on National Geographic tonight at 9 p.m. ET.