Jackson McHenry
August 12, 2014 AT 10:03 PM EDT

There’s no reason for you to watch this video. You could turn back now. Take the blue pill, etc. The facts are simply that, in the depths of the internet, like Pandora’s box, there lies a pop-culture relic too frightening not to open.

The Youtube user Tranceart Violeta made a near-perfect mash-up of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer and footage from Disney’s Frozen. Princess Anna takes the role of Dakota Jonson’s Ana, while Hans is Jamie Dornan’s Christian Grey (of course).

There’s not much more to say, except that Beyonce’s breath-heavy “Crazy in Love” is definitely heating up the frozen world of Arendelle and that, in a pinch, a normal dungeon looks exactly like the red room of pain.

In other news, every line from Frozen will sound sexual for the next half hour.

“Love is an open door.”

“I am one with the wind and sky.”

“Do you want to build a snowman?”


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