Samantha Highfill
September 16, 2014 AT 09:01 PM EDT

Orange Is the New Black has often been called the Golden Girls of a new generation. Okay, so it’s never been called that, but thanks to a new theme song mash-up video, we wish it were. Can you imagine if the ladies of Litchfield considered one another pals and confidants? Oh, the things they could talk about over a good cheesecake.

That being said, there is one thing we can all agree on: Red is obviously the Sophia of Litchfield, Big Boo the Dorothy, Morello the Rose, and Nicky the Blanche. As for Piper, she’s easily Rebecca Devereaux, Blanche’s daughter, right? They were both engaged to a man at one point.

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