Okay, let’s get this started.
Awkward questions? That sounds like most of my interviews. [Laughs]
Your new album is called Bringing Back the Sunshine. Did you find the culprit who stole the sunshine, and how do you plan to bring him or her to justice?
To be honest, nobody has ever stolen my sunshine. I do have some moonshine that’s missing, and I’m thinking it’s probably on Miranda’s bus.
You and Adam Levine have so much chemistry on The Voice. When are you two going to go ahead and just make it official?
Gay marriage is now becoming legal everywhere, but I don’t think being married to multiple partners is legal yet. But when that can happen, we’re gonna have it made.
Well, let’s just say Adam and Miranda had to fight for you. Who would win?
Adam’s in shape and he’s a quick guy, but I can promise you he’s never seen or experienced someone [like her]. When she puts her mind to something, it’s going to happen, and that includes kicking somebody’s ass. Eyeballs get pulled out, car keys go into your nut sack. Everything bad you can possibly imagine will happen. She’s like the Tasmanian Devil.
How tall are you really?
Man…I think I’m 6’4”, and I’ve had people tell me they think I’m 6’5”, but that’s with my boots on.
That’s significantly taller than most people on TV, who are usually around three feet.
It’s easier for them to find clothes. That’s the sucky thing about being tall and being a fat-ass at the same time. Nothing fits. If you see me on red carpets and I’ve got a look of disgust on my face, it’s because I’m uncomfortable with whatever I have to be wearing.
For your height, how good of a basketball player are you?
They called me Hook-shot Shelton back in Oklahoma, if that tells you anything. You can tell by looking at me that I am an athletic son of a bitch. I don’t want to brag, but I still wear my Reebok Pumps from high school.
Is your home state really just like the musical Oklahoma!?
I know the line ”The wind comes sweeping down the plain.” That’s why I drink so much, because it’s so windy in Oklahoma no matter what time of year it is. You’re not going to have a picnic because you’re gonna be picking up s— that blew everywhere for the rest of the day. The part about the winds coming right behind the rain — what rain? That is a lie.
Back to fashion: You come from country music, a land of giant hats. What do you think of Voice coach Pharrell’s headwear?
His hat lends itself more to magic tricks and selling sandwiches, and it’s a little bit of a throwback to Deputy Dawg. Or maybe it’s just for storage — that damn thing is big.