Joe McGovern
October 10, 2014 AT 04:00 AM EDT

The Three Biggest Howlers
1. ”Organic life will not be possible for millions of years,” mutters a metal cyborg to investigator Jacq Vaucan (Antonio Banderas), recycling doomsday dialogue that’s been around for millions of years.

2. Dylan McDermott is the heavy. He’d be more threatening if he didn’t look exactly like ’70s-era Ringo Starr.

3. Banderas wanders the desert with Cleo, a robot voiced by his almost-ex-wife Melanie Griffith (who has an early cameo as the bot’s designer). The nonsense keeps coming when Jacq propositions Cleo with a slow waltz set to Charles Trenet’s ”La Mer” but gets the cold fender.

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