TBS
Samantha Highfill
December 04, 2014 AT 02:37 PM EST

Billy Eichner really loves Taylor Swift, mostly because her music gets to the heart of the critical issue of our time: What to do when a boy doesn’t text you back.

So to honor Swift, Eichner wrote her a song that he’d like her to record. But for now, we’ll have to settle for his rendition, which he performed last night on Conan. The song is called “Glitter and Ribs,” and contains lyrics about making out in bibs and well, this: “You’ll never know my heart like my heart knows my heart.”

Your move, Taylor.

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