C. Molly Smith
June 16, 2015 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Prepare for your childhood to be ruined.  

Honest Trailers has taken on Toy Story, and its interpretation of the tale of toys come to life will prompt you to rethink, well, everything about the 1995 Pixar classic. “Get ready for the classic children’s film that’s all about jealousy, broken dreams, and the existential dread that you will one day outlive your purpose and be replaced by someone newer and better,” the trailer says. “You know, classic Pixar stuff.” Totally. 

The trailer notes that if the film were to come out today, it would be about a boy and his iPad, and that Woody is a “neurotic, mean, egotistical control freak” and that Buzz Lightyear is a “delusional, Taiwanese spaceman who shoots first and asks questions later.” Its villain Sid, meanwhile, is really just a kid “whose biggest crimes are tinkering with toys he didn’t know were alive and acting up to get the attention of his drunk dad.”  

What’s more, and this is where it gets perhaps too real, the trailer lists a series of existential questions that one might think upon countless more viewings (“Can toys die?,” “Are toys born?,” “When do they become sentient?,” etc.). For more existential questions, and a well-timed performance of “the Randy Newman song,” watch the Toy Story Honest Trailer, below: 

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