Amy met Emmy, and it was good.
Comedy Central’s outrageous Inside Amy Schumer took home a big win for Outstanding Variety Sketch Series during Sunday’s Emmy Awards, and Amy Schumer continued the momentum from her speech when she and her co-producers headed backstage to the press room.
The great tragedy is that you didn’t get to see that on the telecast.
EMMYS 2015: Winners | Creative Arts winners | Nominees by the numbers | Nominee reactions | Quotes quiz | EW Critics weigh in | Snubs | Surprises | Burning questions answered | Live blog | More on the In Memoriam reel
In your best Schumer impression, behold the 10 most genius highlights from Schumer’s visit backstage, with some light helpful context to set the mood.
On how she’ll celebrate: “I think you know how I’ll be celebrating tonight.”
On what went through her mind when she won: “I just thought, I can’t wait to hug my sister, which is exactly the first thing I did. I was sitting in a separate spot from the writers because I’m really famous, so it was so exciting to see them all onstage. We’re all such a group of dirtbags, it’s really fun that we’re here. I’m gonna black out.”
On the women who have cheered her on: “It’s every woman that I’ve walked past on the Upper West Side, from 13 years old to 73, saying, ‘Keep going, Amy.’”
On her favorite moment from the Emmys: “Presenting with Amy Poehler. She’s the best! And like, that I could stand there and talk sh– with her and Tina [Fey] for a minute during the commercial break. My life’s a dream right now. And this moment, this is obviously very cool.”
On falling in front of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West: “I usually disassociate, which is only available to you if you had a poor childhood, so I disassociate but what I attribute that moment to was seeing these people who are media moguls in their prime, in their moment, and wanting to do something to remind everyone that we’re all human and that no one is more special than anyone else.”
On who she’ll make out with at the afterparty: “Honestly, anyone who’s willing. I brought my own lube. I don’t know if that’s something that interests everyone but yeah, literally anyone.”
On roller-skating past Hillary Clinton: “It was very hot out and I was dressed like a plus-size Elsa from Frozen. I’m such a Hillary fan, it was amazing to be that close to someone who I’m hoping is our future president…and also humiliating because I was wearing giant red roller skates fearing I was going to lose my life at Rockefeller Center.”
On sketch comedy: “I’m hoping this is about Madonna. I’ll just segue it into Madonna, please ask whatever you want.”
On sketch comedy: “We were very grateful that they gave sketch its own category. As a big fan of all those late night shows, we didn’t feel like we should be competing with them. We’re just really focusing on our win, and it’s exciting. I love sketch but I think of what we do as writing scenes, which everyone silently laughs about behind my back.”
Still, on sketch comedy: “I think the person who’d be most interested in this answer is probably Madonna, who I just opened for three nights ago at Madison Square Garden. [Schumer sings] That was the sh–, that was the sh–. [The song concludes.] Has anyone in the front two rows ever had an orgasm? Specifically here? You know, this is not a control room and there is not a rocket ship depending on you. Oh, my publicist is saying maybe I should go. Thank you for your time!”