Phil McCarten/AP
James Hibberd
September 20, 2015 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Of course Andy Samberg opened the 67th Annual Emmy Awards with a digital short (and it was terrrific). But the Brooklyn Nine-Nine star then had to survive the traditional monologue and various asides throughout the Fox telecast on the Microsoft Theater stage. Here are the jokes that got the biggest laughes (subject to updates…):  

10. “I’m Andy Samberg. Justin Timberlake is not coming.”

9. “There are changes how certain shows are classified this year. Orange is the New Black is now technically a drama. While Louie is now jazz.”

8. “Another change this year: If your speech goes too long, tonight instead of being played off by the orchestra, you’re going to have to deal with the mean nun from Game of Thrones.”

7. “Donald Trump is running for president, to the delight of uncles everywhere. I’ve got to say, sure Donald Trump seems racist. [Pauses as if that’s setting up a joke … and then] Let’s see, what else? … Is it just me or does Bernie Sanders always seem like his flight is delayed? Guy’s a mess!”

6. “This is the most diverse group of nominees in Emmy history, so congratulations Hollywood you did it! Racism is over—don’t fact-check that … it’s not always saying that much, I bet on the day of Jackie Robinson’s first game, the baseball commissioner was like, ‘This year’s Brooklyn Dodgers are more diverse than ever!'”

5. “Paula Dean is on this season of Dancing with the Stars. But I got to say, if I wanted to see an intolerant lady dance, I would have gone to one of Kim Davis’ four weddings. It’s so ironic she came out of jail to “Eye of the Tiger” when you consider how many dudes have boned each other to that song.”

4. “After the success of Better Call Saul, I’m sure Jon [Hamm] will be nominated for the upcoming Mad Men prequel, Dick Whitman: Horny Hobo.”

3. “I admit I haven’t seen Olive Kitteridge. I’ve just seen half of Kitteridge.”

2. “It’s been a year of goodbyes. This year we said goodbye to Mad Men and Parks and Reaction. And we also said goodbye to True Detective even though it’s still on the air.” 

1. “Here is my impression of the last season of Girls.”  



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