Ricky Gervais meanest Golden Globes jokes 2016 | EW.com

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Ricky Gervais meanest Golden Globes jokes 2016

(Paul Drinkwater/NBC via AP)

Ricky Gervais promised to offend Hollywood. He did not disappoint. 

The actor-comic opened the 73rd annual Golden Globes by mocking Sean Penn, Caitlyn Jenner, Roman Polanski, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeffrey Tambor, Ben Affleck, and many more.

Here is a rundown of the bluntly sarcastic four-time host’s funniest and/or most offensive lines from the Beverly Hilton — including what Gervais said to Mel Gibson that was entirely bleeped by NBC:  

— “You disgusting, pill-popping, sexual deviant scum. I’m going to do this monologue and then go into hiding. Not even Sean Penn will find me … snitch.”  

— “You’re global megastars with amazing talent. Most of you. Some of you just married well. You know who are you. We all do.” 

— “It’s right that NBC should host this award show. They’re the only network that’s truly fair and impartial and that’s because they’re the only network with zero nominations. So … nothing in it for ‘em tonight. They don’t care, obviously.” 

— “I’m going to be nice tonight. I’ve changed — not as much as Bruce Jenner. Obviously. Now Caitlyn Jenner, of course. What a year she’s had! She became a role model for trans-people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes. She didn’t do a lot for women drivers. But you can’t have everything, can ya? Not at the same time.” 

— “One publication said me hosting would mean some film stars would stay away for fear of being made fun of. As if film stars would stay away from a chance of getting a Golden Globe — particularly if their film company has already paid for it.” 

— “The excellent Spotlight has been nominated. Yeah. The Catholic Church are furious about the film as it it exposes that 5 percent of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment. Roman Polanski called it ‘the best date movie ever.’”

— “Jennifer Lawrence made the news when she demanded equal pay for women in Hollywood. She received overwhelming support from people everywhere. There were marches on the street with nurses and factory workers saying, ‘How the hell can a 25-year-old live on $52 million?!’” 

— “Of course woman should be paid the same as men for doing the same job. And I’d like to say now, I’m being paid exactly the same as [what Tina Fey and Amy Poehler received] last year. No, I know there were two of them, but it’s not my fault if they want to share the money, is it? That’s their stupid fault. It’s funny because it’s true.”

— “The Hollywood Foreign Press deemed The Martian a comedy and even nominated it. And hence, Matt Damon is here tonight. So that worked a treat, didn’t it? To be fair, The Martian was a lot funnier than Pixels. But then again, so was Schindler’s List.“ 

— “All-female remakes are the big thing. There’s a female remake of Ghostbusters. There’s going to be a female remake of Ocean’s 11. And this is brilliant for the studios because they get guaranteed box office results and they don’t have to spend too much money on the cast.” 

— “The president of the Hollywood Foreign Press said if I say anything offensive, or crass, or resort to innuendo, he’s going to personally come out here and ‘pull me off.’ So that’s an offer I couldn’t refuse. Yes, yes, that is the level — an old man pulling me off. Again. At least Jeffrey Tambor did it in a dress.” 

— “Remember if you do win tonight, no one cares about that award as much as you do. Don’t get emotional, it’s embarrassing. That award is, no offense, worthless. It’s a bit of metal some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they could meet you and have a selfie with you, okay? That’s all it is!” 

— “I won three Golden Globes myself … one I keep by the bed to — it doesn’t matter why, it’s mine. I won it fair and square. It’s just the right shape and size, it’s nothing… yeah. To be clear: That was a joke about me shoving Golden Globes that I’ve won up my ass.”

— On introducing presenter Matt Damon: “He’s the only person Ben Affleck hasn’t been unfaithful to.” 

— On introducing Eva Longoria and America Ferrera: “Two people who your future president, Donald Trump, can’t wait to deport.”

— On the films Joy and Trainwreck. “No, not the names of Charlie Sheen’s favorite hookers. The movies of these next two presenters.”

— On introducing Mel Gibson after his infamous takedown of the actor during the Globes in 2010: “I’m in the awkward position of having to introduce him again. Listen, I’m sure it’s embarrassing for both of us. I blame NBC for this terrible situation. Mel blames…we know who Mel blames. Listen, I still feel a bit bad for it. Mel’s forgotten all about it apparently, that’s what drinking does. I want to say something nice about Mel before he comes out. So: I’d rather have a drink with him in his hotel room tonight than with Bill Cosby.” Then after Gibson came out on stage, Gervais asked him — and this was entirely bleeped by NBC: “What the f–k does ‘sugar t-ts’ even mean?’” 

RELATED: Full Globes winners list   

Before the ceremony, Gervais tweeted a shirtless photo of himself with a profane message warning that he would offend Hollywood on Sunday night. And on the red carpet before the telecast from the Beverly Hilton Hotel, Gervais confirmed to Matt Lauer that his Globes bosses gave him free reign: “They said I could say what I want — NBC and the Hollywood Foreign Press. I don’t think they know what that means. I won’t break any laws.”

RELATED: All the Red Carpet Arrivals from the 2016 Golden Globes

For more, here’s EW’s Golden Globes live blog, our red carpet photo gallery and the full list of winners