Author

Jim Mullen

Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for the week of July 9, 2004

1 SPIDER-MAN 2 Peter Parker is having trouble juggling college and saving the world from a mechanical multi-armed maniac. So, drop Spanish and take Pop Culture 101.

2 FAHRENHEIT 9/11 This may usher in a new era. Why pay movie stars $20 million if the President will work for free?

3 THE AMAZING RACE 5 The contestants always seem stunned that not everyone speaks English and won’t drop everything to help them. And that’s just in New York and L.A.

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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for the weeks of June 25 -- July 2, 2004

1 BRITNEY SPEARS She blew out a knee making a music video. In future concerts she may lip-synch from backstage while a double dances for her.

2 THE TERMINAL Harmless Tom Hanks is a foreigner living in an airport because he doesn’t have the right papers to enter our country. It’s only the bad people we let right in.

3 SPEAK! A scientific study says dogs can understand about 200 words. The only ones they can’t learn: ”No!” and ”Get down!”

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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for the week of June 18, 2004

1 EMINEM His lily-white butt was edited out after he dropped trou on MTV’s 2004 Movie Awards show. And it’s been inserted into an episode of ”NYPD Blue.”

2 THE STEPFORD WIVES Nicole Kidman wonders why all the women in her new town act like overdressed, man-pleasing robots. Maybe they all work in TV news?

3 J. LO & MARC ANTHONY ‘Til death do us part. Not their deaths; anyone’s will do.

4 FATHER’S DAY Give him something he would never buy himself. Like flowers for your mother.

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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for June 11, 2004

1 MARTHA STEWART She hopes to stay out of jail by doing community service. She’ll teach underprivileged women how to yell at the servants.

2 GENE SIMMONS The Kiss bassist denies making anti-Muslim comments. ”Did I say ‘Muslim?’ I meant ‘women.”’

3 PAT BENATAR She’s become a spokesperson for hearing-aid batteries. What’s that? You say Pat Benatar’s in the pokey for assault and battery?

4 SADDAM’S PISTOL President Bush reportedly keeps it in his office. Be careful, he keeps it full of water, too.

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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for the week of June 4, 2004

1 MISS UNIVERSE Call it what you want, but they all look a lot like Earth women. From the ’50s, but still from Earth.

2 MADONNA She’s started her Re-Invention Tour. Want to really reinvent yourself? Join a klezmer band.

3 THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW Absolutely nobody will listen to a paleoclimatologist’s dire predictions of global warming. Except a couple of movie producers.

4 WORLD SERIES OF POKER Twenty-four hundred gamblers are going after a $5 million pot. Which they all need to pay off debts to friends and family.

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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for the week of May 28

1 AMERICAN IDOL Critics say the voting system can be easily manipulated by phone phreaks. Hey, if you can’t trust reality show producers and the phone company, who can you trust?

2 SHREK 2 The ogre must visit a place where people are obsessed with physical beauty and which seems a lot like Hollywood. Or a TV newsroom.

3 APPLE What Gwyneth Paltrow named her baby. She narrowed it down from a list including Dune Buggy, Bathtub, and Sprocket.

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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for the week of May 21, 2004

Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of May 21, 2004

1 AMBER & BOSTON ROB The Survivor loser is just after her money. Wake up, Amber! If Rupert had won, Rob would have proposed to him.

2 MICHAEL MOORE Disney has refused to distribute his anti-Bush film Fahrenheit 911. They probably won’t touch his next movie, Roasting Michael Eisner Over a Slow Fire, either.

3 DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS The consolation prize you get for not being good enough to be on TV during prime time.

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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for the week of May 14, 2004

Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of May 14, 2004

1 VAN HELSING Hugh Jackman chases down vampires in the late 1800s. Piece of cake. It’s not as if he has to go to high school at the same time, like Buffy.

2 AL GORE He’s launching his own 24-hour-a-day cable news network. Why not? President Bush has one. It’s called Fox News.

3 NEW YORK MINUTE The Olsen twins take a thrill-filled, pulse-pounding day trip to Manhattan. Or as locals call it, ”a cab ride.”

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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for the week of May 7, 2004

Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of May 7, 2004

1 MICHAEL JACKSON No one knows why he replaced his legal team. But can his new 13-year-old lawyer really handle a case this complex?

2 THE MONA LISA Louvre experts say the 500-year-old painting is deteriorating. It’s starting to look like the Mona Liza.

3 FRIENDS The hit show is finally calling it quits after 10 years, with a one-hour special sure to move many people to tears. Especially the NBC programming chiefs.

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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet for the week of April 30, 2004

Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of April 30, 2004

1 THE RESTAURANT The NBC hit started its second year. Get in the mood by making them wait a half an hour before you tune in.

2 HARVEY WEINSTEIN He’s been honored by Queen Elizabeth for all he’s done for Britain. But especially for not living there.

3 COURTNEY LOVE She says her financial advisers were paying her dog walker $100,000 a year. Please, what kind of sick puppy would work for her for only $100,000 a year?

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