LOVE'S LABORS LOST Courtney Love celebrates the release of her new CD, America's Sweetheart, by irking a judge after turning up two hours late for her drug-charge hearing. And she's just getting started: Over the next 48 hours, she'll hit the trifecta of borderline behavior in New York City by flashing David Letterman at least six times on his show, allowing a random man on the street to suckle at her breast, and hitting a concertgoer on the head with a mic stand. (That last stunt gets her arrested.) Sadly, after all that hard work, her CD still flops. For the next release, perhaps she should try full-frontal and a Taser.
BLOOD, SWEATIN' TO THE OLDIES, AND TEARS Fitness freak Richard Simmons allegedly slaps a dude a cage fighter, no less in a Phoenix airport for making a rude remark. (Assault charges were later dropped.) It's unclear when defending his dignity became so critical to a man who runs around shrieking in short shorts.
AIR APPARENT The left-leaning Air America Radio network debuts with Janeane Garofalo and Al Franken but loses two stations its first month, and two execs are pressured to resign. Ratings eventually grow and the company stabilizes...in time for Democrats to get whupped in the November election, proving life is just one big O. Henry story.
SPACEY CADET Hours after telling London police that he was attacked in a park at 4 a.m., a bruised Kevin Spacey retracts his accusation, confessing that he was actually hurt when he tripped over his dog while chasing someone who conned him out of his cell phone...in a park at 4 a.m. Kevin, if we politely believe either of these stories, does that count as paying it forward?
HERE COMBS THE 'SUN' Sean ''P. Diddy'' Combs debuts on Broadway in A Raisin in the Sun playing Walter Lee Younger, alongside Phylicia Rashad and Audra McDonald. And he's the only lead actor in the play not to get a Tony nomination. Guess his ''Vote or Die'' campaign was too little, too late.