Boogeyman (2005)

Image credit: Boogeyman: Kirsty Griffen

NOBODY PUTS BARRY IN THE CLOSET Clearly, there's a market for totally bottom-rung horror

Years after his father mysteriously vanished into the recesses of a bedroom wardrobe, something about dark closets still scares the crap out of Tim (Barry Watson), an uptight, pretty-faced young man who seems singularly uninterested in his glossy girlfriend (Tory Mussett). But don't expect psychosexual revelations from any catch-and-release horror pic that calls itself Boogeyman: This is strictly substandard stuff, with imitative creepy noises, vertiginous camera angles, and long pauses during which Tim considers whether to open doors. The looming close-ups of doorknobs are meant to insinuate terror; instead, they suggest the importance of hand-washing during the scary flu season.