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Homersexual Tendencies

Our odds on which ''Simpsons'' regular is gay -- From parade activists to a skipping cross-dresser, here's who could come out of the clost on Feb. 20

Our odds on which ''Simpsons'' regular is gay

The Simpsons isn't the first cartoon to promise a gay old time, but it will have a regular character come out of the closet on Feb. 20 (Fox, 8 p.m.). With apologies to the way-too-obvious Waylon Smithers, we fix our gaydar on some possible candidates.

PATTY BOUVIER
Why her? Rode with Smithers in a gay pride parade and seems disdainful of any man not named MacGyver. Once caught patronizing a burlesque house (for men!) and claimed that seeing Homer naked killed off ''the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality.'' Odds 2-1

SIDESHOW BOB
Why him? Has memorized the entire score to H.M.S. Pinafore, engaged in the requisite sham marriage (see Selma Bouvier), and may have shared more than a cell with fellow prison inmate Snake, if you catch my drift...(sex, I'm talking about sex). Odds 4-1

GRAMPA SIMPSON
Why him? Is president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance (?!?), harbors a not-so-secret Matlock obsession, and has stated that his underwear ''holds the answer to all the important questions.'' Oh, and he once grew a pair of breasts. Odds 8-1

MARTIN PRINCE
Why him? Enjoys skipping, baking Raisin Roundees, and dressing up like man's man Ernest Hemingway. And did we mention he named his toy dog Flipsy? Still, this fourth grader is probably too young to come to terms with his own sexuality. Give the kid a few years. Odds 15-1

Originally posted Feb 21, 2005 Published in issue #808 Feb 25, 2005 Order article reprints
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