1
GEORGE MICHAEL SAYS HE'S QUITTING POP MUSIC
In related news, Andrew
Ridgeley took the opportunity to announce, ''I'm not quitting anything.
Pop? Rap? Country? Whaddya got?''
2
SHANIA TWAIN TO CREATE OWN PERFUME LINE
''Shania Twain shares the core
values of Stetson,'' said a company exec, before presumably adding, ''you
know, like being really hot and marrying people nicknamed after dogs.''
3
MEDICAL MARIJUANA GROWERS IN CALIFORNIA WANT THEIR POT CERTIFIED
ORGANIC
Failing that, they'd at least like it to be recognized as ''some
seriously mind-blowing s---.''
4
RIGHTS TO UNRELEASED ELVIS SONG PUT UP FOR SALE ON EBAY
That's an odd
thing to bid on. I'm also not quite sure how the
fried-peanut-butter-and-banana-sandwich payment plan works.
5
THE AMAZING RACE 7 BEGINS WITH SURVIVOR'S BOSTON ROB AND AMBER
Does
this mean Lex is going to follow them around the world, screaming
''That's still not cool what you did on All-Stars, man. Apologize before
I grow another ugly mohawk''?
6
D.C. CAB ON DVD
Yes, Mr. T addresses someone as ''fool.''
7
BONO NOMINATED FOR NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
Did everyone who performed that
charity version of ''Across the Universe'' get nominated? Because I'd love
to hear Slash's acceptance speech: ''I'd like to thank the guy who makes
my top hats, all my porn-star friends, Mr. Brownstone . . . Oh yeah, and
in your face, Axl!!!''
8
PRINCE TO RECEIVE NAACP VANGUARD AWARD
I can't wait for his speech,
either: ''I'd like to thank Lake Minnetonka, the creator of lace,
Nikki . . . Oh yeah, and in your face, Axl!!!''
9
HACKER GETS INTO PARIS HILTON'S CELL PHONE
With Paris, let's be
thankful it was just the phone.
10
CURSED OPENS IN THEATERS
It's like An American Werewolf . . . in America!USA! USA!
