Television

Sound Bites

TV's funniest quotes for the week of Apr 1 2005 -- We pick our favorite quips from talk shows and sitcoms

''Ashton Kutcher is denying reports that his girlfriend, Demi Moore, is pregnant. The confusion was caused when someone said Moore was with child. Turns out, she was just with him.''
JIMMY KIMMEL ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

''Ellen, you should be ashamed of yourself — and not just because you're dressed like an audience member from The Price Is Right.''
KAREN (MEGAN MULLALLY), TO GRACE'S FRIEND ELLEN (LEIGH-ALLYN BAKER), ON WILL & GRACE

''This girl should be on a pirate flag!''
JANICE DICKINSON, DISSING THE SOON-TO-BE-BOOTED CONTESTANT SARAH, ON AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

''I lost 25 pounds in about 18 days in an Iraqi prison. And not to say that the food in the Iraqi prison was worse, but I didn't have to eat four pounds of it.''
FORMER P.O.W. RON, ON HAVING TO EAT COW INTESTINES, SALIVA GLANDS, AN UDDER, AND A KIDNEY, ON THE AMAZING RACE

Originally posted Mar 28, 2005 Published in issue #813 Apr 01, 2005 Order article reprints

Add your comment

The rules: Keep it clean, and stay on the subject or we might delete your comment. If you see inappropriate language, e-mail us. An asterisk * indicates a required field.

500 characters remaining
Advertisement