Television

Sound Bites

TV's funniest quotes for the week of Apr 8 2005 -- We pick our favorite quips from talk shows and sitcoms

''Susan, I try to look past your flaws — your klutziness, that faux vulnerability, your hair — but you look for ways to push my buttons.''
EDIE (NICOLLETTE SHERIDAN), TO SUSAN (TERI HATCHER), ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

''The reason that Mr. Jay dressed up is to show the rest of us that even though Michelle has scabies, she can still be beautiful.''
KAHLEN ON AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

''I don't want to go home tonight. . .but I don't want to have my bladder up in my chest cavity, either.'' GRETCHEN, TELLING HUSBAND MEREDITH TO DRIVE CAREFULLY ON A BUMPY ROAD, ON THE AMAZING RACE

Originally posted Apr 11, 2005 Published in issue #815 Apr 15, 2005 Order article reprints