Bawdy Slam

Here's all you need to know about the WWF

If you're fed up with the eye-rolling antics of ''Ally McBeal'' or not convinced that everybody loves ''Raymond,'' maybe it's time to put some sports into your entertainment and join the millions -- and millions -- of viewers who've made the ''WWF's RAW Is WAR'' (Mondays, 9 p.m., TNN) the ratings king of cable. But hey, jabroni, you can't tell the players without a scorecard, so check this primer on the prime movers of the WWF.

Vince and Linda McMahon The Tony and Carmela Soprano of the squared circle are also the WWF's chairman and CEO, respectively. Back in December the diabolical Vince demanded a divorce, which landed wifey in the sanitarium with a nervous breakdown. There, he kept her sedated, leaving him in full corporate control… and free to carry on an affair with WWF harlot in residence, Trish Stratus (who has since betrayed him). On the April 9 edition of ''RAW Is WAR,'' a rehabilitated Linda took back the reins and told a now contrite Vince that she wants out.

Stephanie McMahon ''Daddy's Little Girl'' has evolved from damsel in distress to bitch on wheels, marrying top heel (i.e., bad guy) and Intercontinental Champion Triple H, betraying Linda, and joining ''Vinnie Mac'' in his nefarious pursuits.

Shane McMahon In a brilliant ''art imitates life'' moment, the scion resurfaced on March 26's ''RAW'' after a long absence from television to claim control of Vince's latest acquisition, World Championship Wrestling, setting the stage for an interpromotional conflict pitting father against son.

''Stone Cold'' Steve Austin The WWF's top face (i.e., good guy) returned to the ring last fall after a year spent convalescing from spinal surgery. His first order of business was revenge against Triple H, who orchestrated the hit and run accident that put him out of commission. However, in an earth-shaking April Fool's Day heel turn at Wrestlemania 17, the ''Texas Rattlesnake'' threw his lot in with Vince, winning another heavyweight title belt.

The Rock The ''People's Champion'' (a.k.a. the Brahma Bull, the Great One, the Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment) took a hellacious beating at WM17 at the hands of Austin, losing the title and, a week later, getting ''indefinitely suspended'' by Vince (an oh so convenient turn of events, since Rock was scheduled to go on location to lens the ''Mummy'' spin-off ''The Scorpion King'').

Intrigued? Confused? Appalled? Wait till you meet the rest of this cast of characters, as we premiere a weekly critical recap of ''RAW Is WAR'' every Tuesday morning beginning April 17. If you smell what EW.com is cooking...