TV

Sound Bites

TV's funniest quotes from June 9 to June 16 -- We pick our favorite quips from talk shows and sitcoms

''Kristen's cute, in that I-wanna-marry-you-so-I-could-divorce-you-someday kind of way.''
DRAMA (KEVIN DILLON) TO ERIC (KEVIN CONNOLLY), ON ENTOURAGE

''Right now John's heart is running faster than a concierge from Russell Crowe.''
HOST TOM BERGERON, ON EXHAUSTED PERFORMER JOHN O'HURLEY, ON DANCING WITH THE STARS

''You know...it may have just been an unfortunate lotion.''
RUTH (FRANCES CONROY), AFTER FEDERICO (FREDDY RODRíGUEZ) COMPLAINS THAT A BLIND DATE'S FACE WAS TOO ''SHINY,'' ON SIX FEET UNDER

''Big shout-out to everybody with sleep apnea, high blood pressure, congestive heart failure! I do that too.''
D12 RAPPER BIZARRE'S CORPULENT BUDDY FAT FATHER, ON MTV2'S BIZARRE MAKES A VIDEO

Originally posted Jun 17, 2005 Published in issue #826-827 Jun 24, 2005 Order article reprints

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