Throwaway Lines

When Madonna's notorious black leather bra and panty ensemble recently sold at online auction for $13,800, some savvy marketing came into play. The Lelands.com catalog copy promised: ''Hubba Hubba! A custom-made leather-studded peek-a-boo (and we mean peek-a-boo) bra and matching G-string which is carefully autographed on the crotch, naturally.'' Naturally.

But not every item auctioned off online has the help of such stellar catalog copy to boost its value. In fact, some descriptions are downright lame. Fortunately, it was a slow news day, so EW.com found time to offer our own pitches for some celeb memorabilia recently sold on eBay.

PRINCE ''PURPLE RAIN'' COAT CONDOM
Starting bid $7.00
Winning bid $12.50
No. bids 4
Catalog description ''Originally sold in 1995, this unusual item is packaged like a miniature CD, and contains one purple latex condom. Makes a great addition to any Prince condom collection.''
EW.com's pitch ''This condom formerly known as a CD cover will let you party like it prevents 1999 STDs!''

''TITANIC'' CIGARETTES, with PHOTOS OF LEO AND KATE ON THE BOX
Starting bid $1
Winning bid $22.50
No. bids 12
Description ''From the completely bizarre file [and] from Vietnam! As you can see in the picture, this pack is still sealed.''
EW.com's pitch ''Copyright infringement be damned! I'm king of the world of emphysema and heart disease!''

DAVID HASSELHOFF DRINK COASTERS (SET OF 4)
Starting bid $9.95
Winning bid $9.95
No. bids 1
Description ''These coasters have durable stain resistant tops and rubber backings so they won't slip at all.''
EW.com's pitch ''Celebrate the career of a major syndicated TV star (and German pop sensation) without damaging the fine finish of your antique oak coffee table!''

JIMI HENDRIX STASH BOX
Starting bid $2,500
Winning bid $8,250
Number of bids 2
Description ''Jimi probably kept jewelry, 'tobacco products,' and pipes in this box. The surface of the hinged top of the box has relief elephants crossing a bridge.''
EW.com's pitch ''For eight grand, there had BETTER be some leftover 'tobacco products' to sample.''

ALAN THICKE AUTOGRAPH
Starting bid $3
Winning bid None
Number of bids 0
Description''This is in excellent condition. It is a 3x5 white index card... I don't have a certificate of authenticity, but it looks real to me.''
EW.com's pitch''Use the flip side of this handy index card to jot down a couple of recipes.''

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