Hit List

Dalton Ross's Hit List

The 10 hottest topics for the week of August 12, 2005

Dalton Ross's Hit List for the week of August 12, 2005

1 JOHN LENNON'S HANDWRITTEN LYRICS TO ''ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE'' SELL FOR $1 MILLION No offense, but I'm pretty sure love didn't write that big-ass check. Evidently, the green stuff comes in pretty handy as well.

2 ASTRONOMERS MAY HAVE DISCOVERED SOLAR SYSTEM'S 10TH PLANET Researchers have referred to the object as Xena, after TV's warrior princess. In related news, retail outlets have reported a recent explosion of telescope sales to lesbians.

3 FORMER FRIENDS PARIS HILTON AND NICOLE RICHIE TEAM UP AGAIN FOR THE SIMPLE LIFE 4 Awwwwkward.

4 BRITTANY MURPHY TO APPEAR IN JORDACHE ADS She does have the look I want to know better. And, dare I say, the look that's all together. But that still doesn't stop Jordache from being supercheesy.

5 STEALTH CRASHES AND BURNS AT THE BOX OFFICE Even for a Top Gun rip-off, this is definitely flying a little too close to the ''danger zone,'' if you know what I'm saying.

6 OPRAH TO RELEASE A 20TH ANNIVERSARY DVD ''Every show you'll see here holds such profound meaning for me,'' Winfrey said. ''Because they all made me rich! Filthy stinkin' rich!''

7 WEEDS DEBUTS Why does my TiVo suddenly have the munchies?

8 FOX HIRES AN INDEPENDENT COUNSEL TO LOOK INTO ALLEGED PAULA ABDUL-COREY CLARK AFFAIR Can said independent counsel also look into what the hell ever happened to Brian Dunkleman? We miss our shot of pure, unfiltered Dunk.

9 LUKE SKYWALKER'S LIGHTSABER AUCTIONS FOR $200K However, Darth Vader's nabbed only $118,000, throwing that whole ''power of the Dark Side'' thing into serious question.

10 BOOK CLAIMS JIMI HENDRIX GOT OUT OF THE ARMY BY PRETENDING TO BE GAY Oh, great — I simply typed in the word ''Hendrix'' and now my computer's got the munchies too.

Originally posted Aug 05, 2005 Published in issue #833 Aug 12, 2005 Order article reprints
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