Television

Sound Bites

TV's funniest quotes from August 2 to August 8. Read our favorite quips, then vote for the quote of the week

Six Feet Under

''What is this, some kind of Quaker thing? You f--- someone's husband to death and then you bring them a quiche?''
BRENDA (RACHEL GRIFFITHS), TO HER HUSBAND NATE'S REPENTANT LAST ONE-NIGHT STAND, MAGGIE (TINA HOLMES), ON SIX FEET UNDER

''On True Lies, it was Tom Arnold who said he was going to be governor.''
JAMES CAMERON, DISCUSSING THE STUPID THINGS ACTORS SAY WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW THEY'RE MIKED, ON ENTOURAGE

''I haven't been in the Bel Age since I burned it down.''
BOBBY, WHILE CHECKING IN TO AN L.A. HOTEL, ON BEING BOBBY BROWN

''That was a big step for us in our relationship — tongue.''
STEVEN HILL, ON HIS FIRST MAKE-OUT SESSION WITH JENNA LEWIS, ON KILL REALITY

''Tough week for the Bush family. First, close friend and Orioles baseball player Rafael Palmeiro tested positive for steroids. Then, on Monday, Bush friend King Fahd of Saudi Arabia tested negative for being alive.''
JON STEWART ON THE DAILY SHOW

''Yesterday, Baltimore slugger Rafael Palmeiro tested the positive for steroids a few months after telling Congress, 'I never took steroids, period.' Then today, Palmeiro said, 'I meant to say, ''I never took steroids, question mark.'' ' ''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

''Does he have an owl? Because he's very powerful, like a Bond villain. He should have an owl.''
HOST CRAIG FERGUSON TO JULIE CHEN, WHEN ASKING ABOUT HER HUSBAND, CBS EXECUTIVE LESLIE MOONVES, ON THE LATE LATE SHOW

''Kristin has a penis mentality.''
TALAN, DESCRIBING HIS NEW LOVE INTEREST'S ABILITY TO PLAY THE FIELD, ON LAGUNA BEACH

Originally posted Aug 12, 2005 Published in issue #834-835 Aug 19, 2005 Order article reprints
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