Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest quotes from August 9 to 15. Read out favorite quips, then vote for the quote of the week

Kathy Griffin, My Life on the D-List
Image credit: Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List: Michael Grecco

''I guarantee you there's no way that Nicole Kidman has this battle every day....Every single day I want to crack open a can of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls and eat them. In private. While watching Oprah.''
KATHY GRIFFIN, ON MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST

''I am pretty sure that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are brother and sister, and they're making it work.''
NATE (PETER KRAUSE) TO HIS UNHAPPY WIDOW, BRENDA (RACHEL GRIFFITHS), AFTER SUGGESTING THAT SHE DATE HER BROTHER, BILLY (JEREMY SISTO), ON SIX FEET UNDER

''My mama can yell much louder and much longer.''
JACKEE HARRY, SHRUGGING OFF A DRILL SERGEANT'S BERATING DURING BOOT-CAMP TRAINING, ON CELEBRITY FIT CLUB 2

''Me thinking on my own around here gives me a great headache. I'd like Kaysar to come back in here and think for me again.''
HOWIE, BEFORE KAYSAR WAS VOTED BACK ON TO THE SHOW, ON BIG BROTHER 6

''Earlier today, the space shuttle landed safely, even though bad weather forced NASA to re-route it from Florida to California. Not surprisingly, the shuttle crew's luggage was sent to Atlanta.''
CONAN O'BRIEN ON LATE NIGHT

''Omarosa looks like Rick James' Siamese twin. She kinda has that, like, kinda superfreak image about her.''
JANICE DICKINSON, AFTER OMAROSA POSES IN LINGERIE, ON THE SURREAL LIFE

Originally posted Aug 17, 2005 Published in issue #836 Aug 26, 2005 Order article reprints
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