Dirty Deeds is too mild to be dirty, yet too dirty to be charming, and altogether too generic to be much of anything. It's Friday Night of Homecoming Weekend at West Valley High. Blandly rebellious Zach (Gilmore Girls' Milo Ventimiglia), boxed in by evil jocks, is performing the less-than-herculean ''dirty deeds,'' 10 fabled pranks passed down from generation to generation. His comely prize is Meg (Lacey Chabert), but along the way, he makes do with a loaf of bread. No, really! He totally Portnoys a loaf of bread! If this sort of thing still has the capacity to excite anyone besides the Keebler Elves, write in and let me know.