Stupid Questions

Stupid Questions

EW asks Don Johnson some Stupid Questions. The ''Just Legal'' star ponders queries about ''Vice'' and ''The Last Sound Love Makes''

Wake up, because it's the Don of a new day! Don Johnson — the man who rose to sockless megafame as Det. Sonny Crockett in Miami Vice before cleaning up the streets of San Francisco in Nash Bridges — returns to the tube in The WB's lawyer drama Just Legal. Let's cross-examine him with a few stupid questions.

You play an alcoholic, washed-up attorney who reluctantly joins forces with a 19-year-old law school grad —
Where the hell did you hear that?

It's in the publicity materials.
You can't believe a lot of that s---, you know.

Do you think that this partnership is so crazy...it just might work? Or that these two will become best friends...if they don't kill each other first?
If this is a multiple choice, I'll go with (a). It sounded really good at the time.

Both you and your ex-wife Melanie Griffith are starring in shows premiering this month on The WB. How is this going to work? Will you get the 7th Heaven kids during the week and she'll get them on the weekends?
That's the stupidest question I've ever heard. I'm sending them to your house.

I'm afraid I've gotten too deep into the Miami underworld! My face is stubbly, I'm wearing pastels, and Sheena Easton keeps getting killed just a few episodes after I marry her! What should I do?
Clearly you have too much free time on your hands and you need immediate therapy.

You're headed out for a big night on the town. It's a little chilly. Do you go white jacket?
I'm serious — you need to call and get some help. And the answer is no. I don't know where it is. I misplaced it.

A colleague of mine bought a similar white jacket but was disappointed that it had shoulder pads. Not to get too personal, but was that all you up top?
You are getting too personal. And yes, that is all me up top. And bottom.

Refresh my memory: Were you Nash or Bridges?
God, you'll have to refresh my memory... Uh, the answer's yes.

If Cheech and Tubbs engaged in a duel to the death, would there be a winner?
Actually, Cheech and I talked about that. We decided we were going to do a movie called Cheech and Chong Meet Miami Vice and have Tommy Chong and Philip Michael Thomas kill each other in the opening scene. [Laughs for a long time]

You're scaring me... Now, on your debut album, Heartbeat, you sing a song called ''The Last Sound Love Makes.'' I have to admit, I never bought the album —
You lie like a rug. You know you have copies of it.

Fine, but can you just tell me what sound that is? I'm picturing a sick unicorn with a broken horn crying out for its mommy.
That's exactly what it is. I'm amazed you actually got that. I mean, it's a little obscure, but you've got it.

You once told Playboy, ''I rolled several cars, got in several fights, got shot at a few times.'' That's kinda badass. I know we just met, but if I were in trouble and called you for help, would you have my back?
Dan, for you? Absolutely nothing.

Originally posted Sep 16, 2005 Published in issue #841 Sep 23, 2005 Order article reprints
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