Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from Sept. 6 to 12. Read our favorite quips, then vote for the quote of the week

The Simpsons

''How could you allow this?! In the room where we do puzzles?!''
MARGE (JULIE KAVNER), CHIDING HOMER (DAN CASTELLANETA) FOR PERMITTING A PORN MOVIE SHOOT IN THEIR KITCHEN, ON THE SIMPSONS

''I don't want to, like, slander anyone on national television, but her girlfriend is ugly as hell.''
JANELLE, AFTER SEEING IVETTE'S PHOTOS FROM HOME, ON BIG BROTHER 6

''How does being a werewolf make you a better basketball player?''
SETH (ADAM BRODY), DISCUSSING THE MYSTERIES OF THE MOVIE TEEN WOLF, ON THE O.C.

''Get on your broomstick and go back to Oz, will you please?''
BRONSON PINCHOT TO THE TEMPERAMENTAL JANICE DICKINSON, ON THE SURREAL LIFE 5

''It was reported today that Democrats in California are trying to find a candidate to run against Arnold Schwarzenegger next year. Unfortunately, the only person who's as qualified as Arnold Schwarzenegger is Vin Diesel.''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

''When I accepted this job, I never imagined I would have to draw a line in the sand on which places are okay to defecate and which places are not.''
ROB CESTERNINO AFTER JONNY FAIRPLAY DEFILED TRISH'S BED, ON KILL REALITY

''Britney Spears denies rumors she's considering a long-term Las Vegas performing engagement. Because, as everybody knows, Britney likes her Vegas engagements to be brief and filled with shame.''
JOEL McHALE, ON THE SOUP

Originally posted Sep 16, 2005 Published in issue #841 Sep 23, 2005 Order article reprints
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