Sound Bites

Sound Bites: Special Emmy Edition

The funniest lines from the 2005 awards. Read our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

Jon Stewart
Image credit: Jon Stewart: Mark J. Terrill/AP

''When I first said that I wanted to put together a late-night comedy-writing team that would only be 80 percent Ivy League-educated Jews, people thought I was crazy. They said you need 90, 95 percent. But we proved 'em wrong.''
THE DAILY SHOW'S JON STEWART, ACCEPTING THE AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A VARIETY/MUSIC/COMEDY PROGRAM

''We'd be remiss if we didn't point out the fact that the Academy has twice rewarded us for something that you people won't watch.''
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT'S MITCHELL HURWITZ, ACCEPTING THE AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A COMEDY SERIES

''In the scheme of things, winning an Emmy is not important....I think we all know what's really important in life: winning an Oscar. Man, I'd love to host that show.''
HOST ELLEN DEGENERES

''I didn't realize we were doing British accents.''
SCRUBS' ZACH BRAFF, TO COPRESENTER HUGH LAURIE OF HOUSE, WHO'S ENGLISH

''Jane Kaczmarek is the finest actress in America....Every week she has to go on national television, stare into the face of Frankie Muniz, and act like she's not creeped out of her freakin' mind.''
FAMILY GUY'S STEWIE (SETH MACFARLANE)

''Well, it's nice to be here at the Emmy Awards. Next to the Oscars, the Golden Globes, the People's Choice, and the Grammys, it's television's most important night.''
LATE NIGHT'S CONAN O'BRIEN

''All year long they've been asking us, 'Do you think now that your show is going, that this means the end of the sitcom?' And I wanna say yes. I also think beyond that it's the end of laughing and soon the end of smiling.''
EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND EXECUTIVE PRODUCER PHILIP ROSENTHAL

Originally posted Sep 23, 2005 Published in issue #842 Sep 30, 2005 Order article reprints
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