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Dalton Ross's Hit List

The 10 hottest topics for the week of November 18, 2005

1 Yoko Ono apologizes to Paul McCartney for comments insinuating he was a cheesy songwriter Lord knows when I think songwriting proficiency, I think Yoko Ono. And Lord knows I think ''songwriting proficiency'' approximately once every decade or so.

2 Tom Cruise replaces his sister as publicist I'm not quite sure why. If it's true that any publicity is good publicity, then this man has had the best publicity of all freakin' time!

3 Jack White writes a Coca-Cola jingle Immediately making this the world's second-best Jack and Coke combination.

4 Warren Beatty and Annette Bening try to crash Schwarzenegger speech Reminds me of when I tried to crash an Ishtar screening. Course, that film crashed long before I got there.

5 Vincent Gallo offers to sell his sperm for $1 million Well, it's more than his last movie made. Hopefully a bit more potent, too.

6 Mike Love sues Brian Wilson for ''shamelessly misappropriating the Beach Boys trademark'' Not for nothing, but shouldn't he be suing ''Kokomo'' instead?

7 Phil Collins says he's open to a Genesis reunion Anything that will keep guitarist Mike Rutherford far, far away from Mike & the Mechanics sounds like a plan to us.

8 Stealth on DVD So stealthy, in fact, most people didn't even see it in theaters.

9 Charlie Sheen hints he and Denise Richards may be back together That's fantastic! Good for them. But Sheener, you have to drop a few Hot Shots! Part Trois hints if you want to see us get really excited.

10 Kevin Federline rap debut released on the Net Word is, Yoko Ono is downloading the hell out of this.

Originally posted Nov 11, 2005 Published in issue #850 Nov 18, 2005 Order article reprints