''That's why they have menus in restaurants, you know? I like steak. Someone else likes spaghetti....''
DONALD TRUMP'S TAKE ON HOMOSEXUALITY, ON THE APPRENTICE
''First-place chick is hot, but has an attitude doesn't date magicians. Second place is someone weird, usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. Third place, though a little bit plain, has super-low self-esteem.''
GOB BLUTH (WILL ARNETT), DISCUSSING HIS PROSPECTS WITH PAGEANT WINNERS, ON ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
''When my daughter broke her arm, I laughed.''
MARTHA STEWART, TALKING ABOUT HER REFLEX RESPONSE TO UNFORTUNATE INCIDENTS, ON MARTHA
''Kevin Federline's rap album won't be released until next year, but his producer leaked the single to the Internet. When asked why, the producer said, 'Why should I have to suffer alone?'''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT
''Bush also announced his $7 billion plan to prepare the country for an avian flu pandemic...and if history is any guide, 4 billion will disappear, 2 billion will go to Haliburton, and the rest will be used to teach high school virgins to stay virgins.''
D.L. HUGHLEY, ON WEEKENDS AT THE DL
''I just can't believe it. I mean, there he is, a murderer, living right on our street, and there's nothing we can do about it because you're a convicted felon and I burned down that stupid house. It's unfair.''
SUSAN (TERI HATCHER) TO MIKE (JAMES DENTON), ABOUT THEIR NEIGHBOR PAUL, ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
''Do you know Princeton was originally called the College of New Jersey? How hard do you think it would be to get into that school?''
SETH (ADAM BRODY), WHILE COLLEGE SHOPPING, ON THE O.C.