Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from Nov. 8 to 14. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

Lauren Graham, Scott Patterson, ...
Image credit: Gilmore Girls: Danny Feld

''Enjoy Wisteria Lane, you major drama queen....Wrap yourself in a towel and trip on a hedge on your way out.''
LORELAI (LAUREN GRAHAM) TO LUKE (SCOTT PATTERSON), DURING A HEATED ARGUMENT, ON GILMORE GIRLS

''Well, obviously there's a downside to having good manners.''
BREE (MARCIA CROSS), EXPLAINING THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO EMBARRASS GEORGE (ROGER BART) BY NOT ACCEPTING HIS MARRIAGE PROPOSAL, ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

''There's a clause in there that still allows for threesomes. I don't want to kill our sex life just because we're getting married.''
KIMBER (KELLY CARLSON), ASKING CHRISTIAN (JULIAN MCMAHON) TO SIGN A PRENUP, ON NIP/TUCK

''Well, if he understands what they're talking about on that show, maybe he's smart enough to raise himself.''
JAKE (SCOTT WOLF) TO NINA (STEPHANIE NIZNIK), WHO'S WORRIED THAT HER SON SAM WATCHES DEADWOOD, ON EVERWOOD

''By going undercover in a fat suit, Tyra really learned a serious lesson about the temporarily obese.''
COMEDIAN DOUG BENSON, REFERRING TO A STUNT ON THE TYRA BANKS SHOW, ON BEST WEEK EVER

''I'm going to go do a celebrity hunt. If there's a major celebrity on board, the plane won't go down. If there's a minor celebrity, it'll definitely go down. Everybody knows that.''
GRACE (DEBRA MESSING), GETTING UP TO WALK THE AISLES ON A TRANSATLANTIC FLIGHT, ON WILL & GRACE

''Paris Hilton may be called to testify in a criminal case for a 2003 burglary. I hope the trial is televised. I don't care about the outcome, I just want to see what happens when Paris puts her hand on the Bible.''
HOST JOEL McHALE, ON THE SOUP

''Beloved teen idol Ashlee Simpson was caught on tape during a drunken rampage at a local McDonald's. Despite her hostile behavior, McDonald's officials say they will still consider her application.''
DAVID SPADE, ON THE SHOWBIZ SHOW

Originally posted Nov 18, 2005 Published in issue #851 Nov 25, 2005 Order article reprints
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