Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from Nov. 22 to 28. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

Image credit: Eva Longoria: Mark Sullivan/WireImage.com

''Sure, it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.''
GABRIELLE (EVA LONGORIA), AFTER SISTER MARY BERNARD (MELINDA PAGE HAMILTON) SAYS MONEY CAN'T BUY HAPPINESS, ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

''NBC — it's like your ratings are plummeting right at me!''
HOST JOEL McHALE, AFTER WATCHING A CLIP OF MEDIUM'S HIGHLY PROMOTED 3-D EPISODE, ON THE SOUP

''Christina Aguilera got married last weekend and she [reportedly] asked that the guests not talk to the press about the wedding because she's shy. Then she asked the guests not to stare at her diamond-studded, crotchless wedding dress.''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

''She's short but has an ample bosom. I love that she's, like, half boob!''
BARNEY (NEIL PATRICK HARRIS), CHECKING OUT A FELLOW BAR-GOER, ON HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

''And for Nick, look at it this way. You may be losing a wife, but you're also losing a father-in-law.''
JIMMY KIMMEL, AFTER THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF NICK LACHEY'S DIVORCE FROM JESSICA SIMPSON, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

''You let a guy you picked up in a bar see you naked and you can't give him an enema?''
CRISTINA (SANDRA OH) TO MEREDITH (ELLEN POMPEO), AFTER THE LATTER'S ONE-NIGHT STAND IS ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL, ON GREY'S ANATOMY

Originally posted Dec 02, 2005 Published in issue #853 Dec 09, 2005 Order article reprints
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