The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

It's about the car,'' claims The Dukes of Hazzard director Jay Chandrasekhar. Funny — we thought it was about shoehorning sexpot Jessica Simpson into the shortest shorts imaginable while a camera drools over every inch of her buff bod. Either way, this dumbed-down transfer of the high-octane TV series is about as much fun as a speed bump. EXTRAS ''Unrated'' and ''too hot for theaters'' apparently translates to F-words and nipple shots. (Johnny Knoxville's Jackassfans should lap the stuff up like cheap beer.) Cut scenes involve topless coeds, a bong, and body paint; bloopers feature 12 bare butt cheeks and Knoxville simulating two separate sex acts. Those with less prurient tastes can choose from ''The General Lee Lives'' — seeing a car pop a wheelie is pretty cool, especially compared with pot-smoking sorority girls — or ''Daisy Dukes: The Short Short Shorts,'' which shows you how to make your own barely-there denim cutoffs. You'll need scissors, a washer/dryer, a seam ripper, and — most importantly — a traffic-stopping figure. For that one, you're on your own.

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