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Dalton Ross's Hit List

The 10 hottest topics for the week of December 16, 2005

1 Bono claims that he, not Patrick Swayze, invented the mullet Take credit for your tireless global relief efforts. Take credit for ''Sunday Bloody Sunday.'' But dear God, man, why the hell are you taking credit for this? Plus, swipe this from Swayze and what else does he have? I mean, besides Road House.

2 Pres. Bush lauds Tina Turner for having ''the most famous legs in show business'' Awkward! More awkward was the fact that it was followed by an executive order for ''directions to Thunderdome, and — if possible — beyond Thunderdome.''

3 Open casting call for new Rocky film What's sadder — an open casting call line, or the fact that Dolph Lundgren was in it?

4 Live 8 suing TRIMSPA for Anna Nicole Smith's allegedly showing up drunk and ''scantily clad'' at concert In other words, for showing up as Anna Nicole Smith. 5 Two Lost stars arrested for DUI Damn you, numbers!

6 KISS: Rock the Nation Live on DVD KISS in 1975: ''Are you ready to rock?!?'' Audience: ''Hell, yeah!!!'' KISS in 1985: ''Are you ready to rock?!?'' Audience: ''Yeah!'' KISS in 1995: ''Are you ready to rock?!?'' Audience: ''Sure...I guess.'' KISS in 2005: ''Are you ready to rock?!?'' Audience: ''Look, just cut straight to the 'Rock & Roll All Nite' encore and we'll call it a day, 'kay?''

7 Oprah does Dave You can open your eyes now. It's over.

Joey put on hiatus You can open your eyes now. It's over.

9 Sean Connery says Daniel Craig is a ''terrific choice'' to play Bond Oh, what does he know. He couldn't even kill that cat-obsessed freak Blofeld. Super spy, my ass!

10 Betty White joins rally to save elephant exhibit at L.A. zoo Only about 100 people showed up, with many — Dolph Lundgren included — mistakenly thinking it was an open casting call for Operation Dumbo Drop II: Dumbo Never Forgets.

Originally posted Dec 09, 2005 Published in issue #854 Dec 16, 2005 Order article reprints
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