''They’re serving everything with frisée, the awkward lettuce. It’s like eating somebody’s Afro.''
TEDDY (JOHN CHO), AT THE RESTAURANT RUN BY MICHEL (MICHAEL VARTAN), ON KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL
''We’re supposed to be working on our marriage, but we can’t do that as long as Our Lady of Perpetual Stick-Up-Her-Butt has you worrying about thirsty orphans.''
GABRIELLE (EVA LONGORIA) TO CARLOS (RICARDO ANTONIO CHAVIRA), WHO MISSED THEIR MASSAGE APPOINTMENT BECAUSE OF THE DROUGHT IN BOTSWANA, ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
''NBC weatherman Al Roker is developing a comedy series for the network tentatively titled Meet the Rokers. The series will be mostly crappy with a 90 percent chance of sucking.''
DAVID SPADE, ON THE SHOWBIZ SHOW
''Good news: It’s been reported that Mary-Kate Olsen has gained 20 pounds. The bad news: Ashley Olsen is missing.''
CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT
''Cheryl, I know it's going to be a long time till I see you again, so would it be okay if I fooled around a little until you got there?''
LARRY DAVID TO HIS WIFE, CHERYL (CHERYL HINES), ON HIS DEATHBED, ON CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM
''Can you imagine me on the East Coast? I'd be like one of those animals that they rip from their natural habitat and put in a zoo. My fur would get all mangy. I'd throw dung at people....''
SUMMER (RACHEL BILSON), EXPLAINING WHY SHE CAN'T GO TO COLLEGE IN RHODE ISLAND, ON THE O.C.
''So. Rose's husband is white. Didn't see that one coming.''
HURLEY (JORGE GARCIA), DISCUSSING A BLACK PASSENGER'S TEARY REUNION WITH HER HUSBAND, ON LOST