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ABC announced the cast for season 2 of Dancing With the Stars(premiering Jan. 5, 8 p.m.) and it's a smorgasbord of C-listers to make The Surreal Life producers cry! EW chose the five most cheesetastic contestants (who will join rapper Romeo, ESPN's Kenny Mayne, WWE's Stacy Kiebler, Soap Talk's Lisa Rinna, and the NFL's Jerry Rice) to offer our take — and a few dance tips.
TIA CARRERE ABC says She's a ''television and movie star known for her stunning beauty.'' We say High School High. Ideal dance Lambada, also known as ''the forbidden dance,'' because she should have forbidden her agent to book her in Relic Hunter.
GISELLE FERNANDEZ ABC says She's an ''Emmy Award-winning journalist.'' We say We had no idea Access Hollywood hosts could win Emmys. Is Billy Bush aware of this? Ideal dance Tap. It will distract people from realizing that she's not Gisele Bündchen.
GEORGE HAMILTON ABC says He's an ''actor and international bon vivant.'' We say Bon vivant or not, he's uncomfortably tan — and best known for 1979's Love at First Bite. Ideal dance The Hustle. We prefer George as we best remember him: in the '70s.
DREW LACHEY ABC says He's a ''recording artist and former member of the pop group 98 Degrees.'' We say He's the smaller Lachey brother, in both size and fame. Ideal dance The Running Man. Drew can run, but he can't hide from his boy-band past.
TATUM O'NEAL ABC says She's an ''Academy Award-winning actress.'' We say She's a beleaguered former child star who likes to complain about her ex-husband, John McEnroe. Ideal dance The Electric Slide. Because all of our other jokes were too mean.
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