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Justice League

Our Supreme Court suggestions -- Why Simon Cowell and others were make good confirmations

THE JUDGES

SIMON COWELL WHY? American Idol's voice of reason is tough on (cacophonous) crime and wouldn't take any guff during hearings. WHY NOT? We're thinkin' that whole British-citizenship thing might be an issue. VERDICT A-

NIGEL BARKER WHY? Is it wrong to want a little America's Next Top Model eye candy in that dour Supreme Court photo? WHY NOT? Barker is way too flirty — and Ruth Bader Ginsburg is already spoken for. VERDICT C+

DOROTHY HAMILL WHY? The Skating With Celebrities critic could help fill the gender gap. Plus, triple salchow sounds like a legal term. WHY NOT? Hamill possesses Abdul-ish sycophancy: If only her bite were as sharp as her haircut. VERDICT B

JUDY SHEINDLIN WHY? Judge Judy already has a gavel, a robe, and a catchphrase: ''Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.'' WHY NOT? The SC is unlikely to tackle subjects like the Case of the Dead Cocker Spaniel. VERDICT B-

Originally posted Jan 20, 2006 Published in issue #860 Jan 27, 2006 Order article reprints