THE JUDGES
SIMON COWELL WHY? American Idol's voice of reason is tough on (cacophonous) crime and wouldn't take any guff during hearings. WHY NOT? We're thinkin' that whole British-citizenship thing might be an issue. VERDICT A-
NIGEL BARKER WHY? Is it wrong to want a little America's Next Top Model eye candy in that dour Supreme Court photo? WHY NOT? Barker is way too flirty — and Ruth Bader Ginsburg is already spoken for. VERDICT C+
DOROTHY HAMILL WHY? The Skating With Celebrities critic could help fill the gender gap. Plus, triple salchow sounds like a legal term. WHY NOT? Hamill possesses Abdul-ish sycophancy: If only her bite were as sharp as her haircut. VERDICT B
JUDY SHEINDLIN WHY? Judge Judy already has a gavel, a robe, and a catchphrase: ''Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.'' WHY NOT? The SC is unlikely to tackle subjects like the Case of the Dead Cocker Spaniel. VERDICT B-
