News Article

Dalton Ross's Hit List

The 10 hottest topics of the week

1 Heather Graham's sitcom, Emily's Reasons Why Not, pulled after one episode Frankly, we saw this coming. Everyone knows she does her best work on roller skates.

2 My Name Is Earl temporarily shuts down production due to Jason Lee's chicken pox Not the smartest move. I say, keep the cameras rolling, infect 200 people, put them on the ''list,'' and, dude, you've just bought yourself nine more seasons' worth of episodes.

3 Bon Jovi's plane skids off Ontario runway Slippery when wet, baby. Slippery when wet.

4 Tom Hanks voted America's favorite movie star in poll Not surprising — he's America's Everyman! If every man had a bajillion dollars...and two Oscars...and used to wear fake boobs and a wig.

5 Miss Oklahoma wins Miss America Pageant in Las Vegas The crown came with a $30,000 scholarship.* (*Redeemable in chips only at the International College of Baccarat or One-Armed Bandit University. $30,000 minimum bet required.)

6 Amy Fisher and Buttafuocos to appear on televised reunion Wow, who ever thought this threesome would end up together again? Although threesome probably isn't the best choice of words.

7 Gone With the Wind on DVD It has a commentary track, because clearly we all have the time to sit through this twice.

8 Big Momma's House 2 opens in theaters Honestly, that's one of the most depressing things I've ever written. (Although item No. 6 is pretty damn close.)

9 Seahawks vs. Steelers in Super Bowl Mike Holmgren and Bill Cowher compete for ugliest mustache. Jason Lee judges.

10 Survivor: Panama — Exile Island premieres I'm sure I'd have some sort of snarky comment to make...if abject humiliation did not follow in exactly 33 pages.

Originally posted Jan 27, 2006 Published in issue #861 Feb 03, 2006 Order article reprints
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