Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from Jan. 17 to 23. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

''She's kind of cute, right? You know, in an I've-been-terrorized-by-the-Others-for-40-days kind of way.''
HURLEY (JORGE GARCIA), DISCUSSING LIBBY (CYNTHIA WATROS) WITH CHARLIE (DOMINIC MONAGHAN), ON LOST

''A comet is, of course, frozen bodies of ice and dust formed over 4.6 billion years ago — or created 6,000 years ago, depending on whether or not you're wrong.''
JON STEWART, ON THE DAILY SHOW

''When we find the nerve gas and the alert level drops, we can have some chamomile tea and I'll tell you all my secrets, okay?''
CHLOE (MARY LYNN RAJSKUB), TO AN OVERLY INQUISITIVE EDGAR (LOUIS LOMBARDI), ON 24

''This is exactly the kind of place Britney Spears is from!''
JULIE (MELINDA CLARKE), WELCOMING DAUGHTER KAITLIN (WILLA HOLLAND) TO THEIR NEW TRAILER HOME, ON THE O.C.

''I know every former A-cup in town.''
NEWPORT BEACH PLASTIC SURGEON NEIL ROBERTS (MICHAEL NOURI), ON THE O.C.

''Do you have any jurisdiction here?''
SIMON COWELL, PREPARING TO VOTE ''NO'' TO DEPUTY SHERIFF BRANDON GROVES' WOBBLY TAKE ON ''I SHOT THE SHERIFF,'' ON AMERICAN IDOL

''It was like International Male gone g-g-g-g-gay!''
NICK, DESCRIBING THE HOT-PINK BLOUSSANT SKATING TOP EMMETT WAS FORCED TO WEAR DURING THE SASHA COHEN CHALLENGE, ON PROJECT RUNWAY

''The New York Daily News reports that Leonard Nimoy, Star Trek's Mr. Spock, will star in a pain-reliever ad during the Super Bowl. Star Trek fans were excited by this news and asked, 'What's the Super Bowl?'''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

''This week, a 100-year-old Tennessee man got married for the third time, this time to a 68-year-old woman. When asked why he was marrying a woman 32 years his junior, the man said, 'Yes, I would love a sandwich.'''
'WEEKEND UPDATE''S AMY POEHLER, ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

''Jerry Rice? It was more like Jerry Atric.''
JUDGE LEN GOODMAN, AFTER SEEING THE EX-FOOTBALLER'S JIVE, ON DANCING WITH THE STARS

Originally posted Jan 27, 2006 Published in issue #861 Feb 03, 2006 Order article reprints