Sound Bites

Sound Bites: Oscar Edition

TV's funniest lines from the Academy Awards. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

Jon Stewart, Oscars 2006
Image credit: John Stewart: Rick Rowell

''I'm so excited to be here. Good evening, everybody — ladies, gentlemen...Felicity.''
JON STEWART TO TRANSAMERICA NOMINEE FELICITY HUFFMAN

''I'm just glad that Clooney doesn't do makeup.''
OSCAR WINNER HOWARD BERGER (BEST MAKEUP FOR THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA), ON THE OMNIPRESENCE OF THREE-TIME NOMINEE AND BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR WINNER GEORGE CLOONEY

''You've known me since I was a B-cup.''
DOLLY PARTON TO JOAN RIVERS DURING JOAN AND MELISSA LIVE AT THE ACADEMY AWARDS

''And none of those issues were ever a problem again.''
JON STEWART, AFTER THE MONTAGE OF CLIPS FROM ISSUE-ORIENTED MOVIES

''I'll tell you who I don't like — Ang Lee.''
GEORGE CLOONEY, JOKING WITH ISAAC MIZRAHI DURING E!'S LIVE FROM THE RED CARPET: THE 2006 ACADEMY AWARDS

''Envelope, through the power of movie magic, open yourself!''
THE SUPPOSEDLY INVISIBLE BEN STILLER, PRESENTING A SPECIAL-EFFECTS AWARD

Originally posted Mar 10, 2006 Published in issue #868 Mar 17, 2006 Order article reprints