Television

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from March 14 to 20. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

Image credit: THE OFFICE: Justin Lubin

''I am like Eddie Murphy in Raw, and they are trying to make me into Eddie Murphy in Daddy Day Care. Both great movies, but still...''
MICHAEL (STEVE CARELL), TALKING ABOUT TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY, ON THE OFFICE

'' 'Kevin is my heaven,' huh? Simon is my hell.''
RYAN SEACREST, RESPONDING TO A FAN'S SIGN, ON AMERICAN IDOL

''Earlier today...Saddam Hussein called his trial 'a comedy.' After hearing this, NBC called Saddam and asked, 'What are you doing Thursday nights?' ''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

''I swear to God, Cristina, I like you, I really do. But I grew up in a trailer park, and I am not above kicking your pampered little Beverly Hills ass. And I do mean physically kicking your ass.''
IZZIE (KATHERINE HEIGL) TO CRISTINA (SANDRA OH), ON GREY'S ANATOMY

''Friday is St. Patrick's Day. This is the one day a year that the mayor turns over control of our ports to leprechauns.''
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

Originally posted Mar 24, 2006 Published in issue #870 Mar 31, 2006 Order article reprints
Advertisement

Today's Most Popular

  1. Photo Gallery: American Music Awards 2014 American Music Awards '14: We grade the performances
  2. Photo Gallery: American Music Awards 2014 American Music Awards 2014 style: What the stars wore

From Our Partners