Exit Interview

All About

American Idol

Get the latest photos, news, and more

Who did you turn to for advice about what to sing each week?
I had two people in particular who live in Nashville and work in the record industry. They love American Idol — if possible they love it more than I do. I would bounce ideas off of them.

Did you get to talk to them today?
I have not talked to them. We've text-messaged. Their messages were just, We love you. We love you. We love you.

Do you think being 29 helped you stay so composed when Ryan announced your name?
That, and my relationship with the Lord. Everything that I do is for Him. I know this was just a journey. There is so much more to come. Sure, I was disappointed, but I know there is so much more getting ready to happen.

Did you pray every night before you sang?
I try to pray always, whether I'm on American Idol or not. When I go on stage, that's how I block out whatever the screen is saying and the audience is doing. I say, ''Okay, God, it's just me and you up on stage.''

Are you kind of angry at God that you got booted?
Oh, no. Not at all. I know He knows what He's doing. My life is in His hands, not Simon's.

What happened at the post-show dinner?
It's called the ''Kiss-Off Dinner.'' It's been really interesting — all of my roommates have left. Everyone started calling me the Black Widow. But now the curse has been turned on myself. I didn't know who would leave this week, I guess, because it was me. I was so humbled and honored by what everyone had to say. All the contestants got up and spoke. It was almost too much.

What did they say about you?
Overwhelmingly, I didn't realize they all looked up to me. They said I brought a balance and they really admired my relationship with the Lord. They said they saw God in me. That made this whole journey worthwhile for me.

After the show, Elliot was bowing to you on stage. You could tell they all admire you.
I do think this is the best group American Idol has ever had. I have nothing but respect for every single one of them.

After all this press is over, you're heading back home to Nashville. Will you watch the show?
I was thinking of that a little while ago. It's going to be hard for me to think about which song I would have done, or how the judges would have responded. As time goes on I think it will get easier. As doors start to open for me, it will get easier.

That's true. Look at Jennifer Hudson. She got kicked off around the same time and she beat out Fantasia to star opposite Beyoncé in Dreamgirls.
I actually spoke to her a little while ago. This person who was doing my makeup is friends with her and said she wanted to speak to me. I was able to tell her how much I admire her. She's so sweet.

Next week, the theme is the music of Queen. What would you have sung?
''Who Wants to Live Forever?'' I knew it from the movie and series Highlander. Paula had said she wanted me to show something more vulnerable. It's a ballad. It was absolutely incredible rehearsing. We were on stage, all the lights were there. It was me and Bryan May, the guitarist, who wrote that song. He was at the piano and I was at the mic. I just turned the mic and faced him. He got pretty emotional at the end.

One last question. A lot of your fans were upset that you listed Living Proof Ministries' Beth Moore — who says homosexuality is ''scary'' — as one of your idols on the American Idol website. Are people right to think you're anti-gay?
It breaks my heart to hear that's what people thought of me. I hate nobody. I absolutely live my life treating others the way I would want to be treated. I live my life being guided by love.