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''Mothers don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or Santa's not gonna bring you anything for Christmas.''
LYNETTE (FELICITY HUFFMAN), ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
''I think I liked you better when you just hit people with your stick.''
BERNARD (SAM ANDERSON) TO MR. EKO (ADEWALE AKINNUOYE-AGBAJE), ON LOST
''Hugh Hefner celebrated his 80th birthday last Saturday. Which means Hef is finally at a stage in his life where spending all day in his pajamas is age-appropriate.''
AMY POEHLER, ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
''Jennifer Lopez is suing to stop her ex-husband from publishing a tell-all....He won't get a lot of money up front, but there'll be a huge back end.''
JOEL McHALE, ON THE SOUP
''American Idol judge Paula Abdul filed a police report accusing a man of assaulting her at a weekend party. Out of habit, she then added, 'But I loved his spirit — he put everything into it.' ''
DAVID SPADE, ON THE SHOWBIZ SHOW
