Hot Mess of the Week

From Oprah to Ryan Seacrest, Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria has been droning on, often in logorrheic detail, about her romance with NBA player Tony Parker (like declaring in an April Allure magazine interview that she's the ''teacher'' in their relationship). But here's the thing: We don't care. In fact, Longoria's loose lips make us long for the good old days when Jenny From the Block had the gossip rags on lock. And although Parker did seem like a nice enough guy in that couples interview with Seacrest, the San Antonio Spur hardly packs the charisma of Ben Affleck...or even Cris Judd. Still, there's no denying Housewife Longoria's ability to deliver potent one-liners on the show, which is why we wish she'd just stick to the script.