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Desperate Housewives
Remember that bee buzzing around Wisteria Lane at the beginning of this episode? You just knew it would have some importance, partly because it was so blatantly CGI-ed and partly because it got completely squashed by Felicia Tilman, just like a certain other annoyance on the lane later in the episode. It's those carefully chosen details — the bee, the banana Popsicle that Edie sucked down while coolly watching Susan flit around her burned-out home, and the heavy machinery Gaby used to mix her magic potion of Combined Product — that give this show its trademark ''so bad it's good'' quality.
Such details are way over-the-top, but they add so much. Gaby could have just walked around spraying all of her different bottles around the bedroom, but that's no fun. Edie could have stayed inside and eaten her dessert the same way that she ended the episode (''all alone''), but then that cleanup-crew scene would have been really boring. And without those bees, no poor makeup artist would have received the challenging direction to make Nicollette Sheridan look puffy and disgusting. (I love the continuity there, by the way: In the last few eps, we've seen Edie eat through Eagle State's entire junk-food supply, making her bloatedness in the hospital seemed even more appropriate.)
Sometimes the so-bad-it's-good material makes you forget there were actual feelings involved. Edie's almost seductive lean-in to Susan just before she asked her if she was wearing a wire, and the duo's consequent front-yard catfight (man, Edie can sprint!) were so entertaining that the fact that one of them just committed arson out of spite didn't seem to matter. It's a somewhat similar story with Paul and Felicia. We've been watching her play practical jokes on him for months, and now that she's taken up three-fingered residence in the mountains and left him to be framed for murder, I have to think back really hard to remember why she even cared about him in the first place. It's easy to just think of her as an eccentric woman getting her kicks by doing extra-kooky things at regular intervals. She's very amusing and will be missed, but her decision to ''drop off the face of the earth'' and the end of my patience with her and Paul's tedious story line coincide quite nicely.
The rest of the ladies entered territories so dark their pain was nearly palpable. Marcia Cross continued to make Bree, the self-proclaimed ''raving maniac,'' sympathetic. The Great Frosting Explosion of 2006 had me completely captivated. (As soon as that immaculate cake and its piles of woefully discarded frosting appeared, I was egging the characters on: Take some frosting! And Barbie did! Wow, Bree would murder me if she were my mom.) The battle this week between Raw Bree and Collected Bree was suspenseful, scary, and sad, and I couldn't help loving every minute of it.
Betty Applewhite was a slightly different story. I get that her family is in a situation arising from a long and painful history. I'm just not buying any of it anymore. At one point when Betty was sitting outside Matthew's ''cell,'' I wondered why I wasn't a bit more horrified that this woman had now locked both of her children in a dungeon. ''You were willing to stand by and let me murder your brother without reason,'' she said to Matthew. ''That's an unforgivable betrayal.'' Hmmm. Let's just focus on the words ''let me murder your brother.'' I know her story's always been mysterious, but this has become unrealistically evil. Oh, and so was Danielle whacking Betty on the side of the head. (Since when does Danielle do anything of consequence other than complain and look frumpy?)
Lynette's adventures in Atlantic City were so bad they were...not good. Heartbreaking. But good to watch! Felicity Huffman played the eventual breakdown well, but I was more impressed by her sneaking-around shenanigans: the cell phone, the sunglasses, the car alarm, the line ''You're quite a gambler,'' the whole bit. She was her usual wily self and yet conveyed a slight sense of terror the whole time. I loved it when she walked right up to the presumed other woman's front door after seeing Tom and the woman walk upstairs together. It was classic Lynette — ballsy, unguarded, and determined at any cost.
We officially still don't know what Tom's been up to, but I'm guessing that brunette he visited wasn't wearing a skimpy black sheath to talk business or just catch up. For me, this story line is the most compelling going into next week's season finale — thanks in no small part to Mrs. McCluskey and her numerous deadly weapons (gardening shears, gun). It'd be nice if the only ''unadulterated'' marriage on the show could stay that way. It would also be lovely if I didn't have to look at Teri Hatcher's navel jewelry more than once per episode. Let's make it happen!
What do you think? Will Carlos and Xiao Mei have an affair, featuring red meat and virginal white frocks as fetish objects? Have we seen the last of Matthew and Danielle? And which story line would you most like to see resolved during the finale? (By the way, your regular correspondent, Michael Slezak, will be back to TV Watch that one.)
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