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Dear Idol: Congrats on your cracktastic Meat Loaf/Dionne Warwick/hyperventilating Clay Aiken fan season-ender! (Lost's finale paled in comparison.) But a crazy spectacle is only funny once, so here are a few suggestions for next season.

Too often you've relied on episode filler —lose the skits and take the finale down to an hour. Apply the same discretion to the results shows, because 30 minutes is plenty of time to boot someone off and shill for Ford. Additionally, soul-sucking final numbers like ''My Destiny'' must stop. Call us overly ambitious, but it might be fun to bring in young talent like John Mayer to help the finalists write their own last songs. And speaking of young...

No more trotting out stars gone by like Barry Manilow, or stars gone bye-bye like Elvis. With 30 million viewers at stake, relevant artists should be an easy get: Prince was great, but Christina Aguilera would've been better. Or bring in a hot producer like Pharrell Williams to coach contestants and give us music that won't be heard in Grandma's car.

Finally, karaoke faves like ''Against All Odds'' don't determine unique talent. Why not let America vote on each week's theme — or help hopefuls pick songs they can actually sing? If that means nixing Whitney Houston's ''I Have Nothing,'' so be it.

Basically, we love you, Idol, but we're losing patience with your amateur-night vibe. You have become the most powerful entertainment property on the planet. It's time to start acting like it.

EW'S DREAM GUEST LIST

CHRISTINA AGUILERA
The young diva the contestants are all trying to be anyway

JOHN MAYER
Could teach them about songwriting, plus his self-deprecating humor would be refreshing

PHARRELL WILLIAMS
The rapper-producer is way hipper than Kenny Rogers


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Posted Jun 02, 2006 | Published in issue #880-881 Jun 09, 2006 | Order Article Reprints