Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from May 30 to June 5. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

''Sweetie, I've got to go, 'cause my hands are full of your husband's nipple hair.''
NICOLE RICHIE, ENDING A PHONE CALL WITH HER HOST, SHARI, WHILE SHAVING THE CHEST OF SHARI'S HUSBAND, DOUG, ON THE SIMPLE LIFE

''Are you leaving me here in the woods?''
DELIA (VIVIEN CARDONE), TO DAD ANDY (TREAT WILLIAMS) DURING A LONG CAR RIDE IN WHICH HE TALKS ABOUT HER IMPENDING TEENAGE ATTITUDE PROBLEMS, ON EVERWOOD

''Certain incidents have expired recently.''
LITTLE CARMINE (RAY ABRUZZO), TRYING TO MEDIATE A TENSE MEETING BETWEEN TONY (JAMES GANDOLFINI) AND PHIL (FRANK VINCENT), ON THE SOPRANOS

''Is the trip to Australia by boat...?''
CONFUSED CONTESTANT BRANDE RODERICK, ABOUT A PRICE IS RIGHT SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN THAT INCLUDED A TRIP TO AUSTRALIA AND A BOAT, ON GAME SHOW MARATHON

''Ice Cube has joined Ludacris and 50 Cent in criticizing Oprah for not having rappers on her show. They have a good point. I mean, if there's three things my mother-in-law won't shut up about, it's pimps, ho's, and shooting a bitch in the face with a deuce-deuce.''
JOEL McHALE, ON THE SOUP

''You're starting to creep me out, Ann.''
KATIE COURIC, AFTER NEWS READER ANN CURRY SAID, ''DON'T BE A STRANGER, OR I'LL COME CALLING,'' DURING COURIC'S LAST DAY ON THE TODAY SHOW

Originally posted Jun 09, 2006 Published in issue #882 Jun 16, 2006 Order article reprints
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