Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from August 15 to 21. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

''Hopefully, this will solidify our spot in the final three, because that dude needs a nose job and I need some liposuction.''
TINA, AFTER WINNING WITH PARTNER KENNY, ON REAL WORLD/ROAD RULES CHALLENGE: FRESH MEAT

''I'm really thrilled because it looks like a real cocktail dress — albeit a cheap, tacky cocktail dress that a hooker might wear — but nonetheless it still looks like real clothes.''
CONTESTANT ROBERT, ON PROJECT RUNWAY

''It's graduation! This is my daughter Courtney! I'm free! If my wife divorces me, I don't have to pay child support!''
DRAG RACER JOHN FORCE, ON DRIVING FORCE

''I thought that was sautéed in wrong sauce. I kinda want my money back.''
TOMMY LEE TO STORM LARGE, AFTER HER WEAK RENDITION OF ''I WILL SURVIVE,'' ON ROCK STAR: SUPERNOVA

''I used to wear flip-flops, and that's why they called me Thong Boy. Nothing to do with wearing something inside my butt crack.''
EX-STRIPPER MAJOR VICTORY, AFTER HIS OLD NICKNAME WAS REVEALED, ON WHO WANTS TO BE A SUPERHERO?

''Know why my hair is so big?...Because it's full of information.''
CAMI, THE CLASS'S HEAD GOSSIP, ON LAGUNA BEACH

''K-Fed is starting his own record label, Federation Records, and his upcoming album will be its first release. It will be interesting to see how he manages to get dropped from his own label.''
HOST JOEL McHALE, ON THE SOUP

''You've always done documentary form, right? Do you not have the imagination to tell a story?''
STEPHEN COLBERT, TO MORGAN SPURLOCK, ON THE COLBERT REPORT

Originally posted Aug 25, 2006 Published in issue #894 Sep 01, 2006 Order article reprints