Remember Jeff Speakman, the poor man's Steven Seagal who starred in 1991's The Perfect Weapon? One big movie and that was it for him. You have to worry for John Cena after you see his first vehicle, The Marine, a delectably bad '80s-style actioner featuring the WWE star as an Iraq vet adept at avoiding bullet sprays and diving into water to avoid fireballs, which both prove repeatedly helpful when lame-o diamond thieves kidnap his wife. ''I hate cops and rock candy,'' says one. All sorts of laughs here.