''Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is to be used only for good like overtipping and supporting Barack Obama.''
LIZ (TINA FEY), TALKING ABOUT BEING CONNED BY TRACY (TRACY MORGAN), ON 30 ROCK
''There was another seismic shift in our nation's leadership. Of course, I'm talking about People magazine's Sexiest Man. Last year's winner, rugged good ol' boy Matthew McConaughey, is out. Leftist pretty boy George Clooney is in....Nation, we are at war. You don't change sexy horses in midstream, no matter how good that other sexy horse looks bathing under a waterfall.''
STEPHEN COLBERT, ON THE COLBERT REPORT
''I'm this close to splitting a Cobb salad with Sarah Jessica Parker and talking about shoes.''
DANIEL (ERIC MABIUS), FEELING EMASCULATED AFTER SPENDING A DAY FRUITLESSLY WAITING FOR A CALL FROM SOFIA (SALMA HAYEK), ON UGLY BETTY
''I feel like Nick Nolte's mug shot.''
SARAH (RACHEL GRIFFITHS), DESCRIBING HER HANGOVER THE MORNING AFTER A BENDER, ON BROTHERS & SISTERS
''We learned so much going around Vermont. Did you know that candles are made by losers?''
BART, ON THE SIMPSONS
''Lawyers in Germany are trying to have Donald Rumsfeld arrested and tried for war crimes. You know things are bad when Germany is accusing you of war crimes.''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT